Just existing

Okay... lately I've just not been happy or sad, I've just 'been' I don't know if it's the end of the year, or what, but for about two months now I just feel; as if I am on autopilot, not sure what the cause is, but it is there, ever present, no matter what I do.
I feel emotionally numb, as if nothing matters. And I wish I knew why? you would think that last year would have made me feel this way, or maybe it's just that it took this long for it to catch up to me *shrugs* who the hell knows?

From frustration

"From frustration first inclination is to become a monk and leave the situation." - Young M.C.

So, can someone explain women to me?

I had my first date in five years a a few weeks ago. Woman that I've known for a while, found out on her birthday that she had been attracted to me for a bit longer than I had been to her. We had a pretty good date, or so I thought.

Fast forward a couple of days and communication from her seemed to have declined. I asked if I had done anything wrong (I'm an overthinker). and was assured that I had not, just that she was "not interested".

So I am confused. How does a person go from being very attracted to another person to "not interested" in the span of a couple of days.Why does it seem, and why is she acting as if I did in fact do something wrong? If I did do something wrong, what the hell was it?

I am past the point of wanting to fix it, which is my go to. But damn it I want to know what the hell I did, or what the frak happened.